im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
