I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
