we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
