It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
