Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
