I am midnight drunk by noon
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
