i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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