You just made me feel so damn special
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
