'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
