I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
