I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my being single is dangerous.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
