thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
