Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
