doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
is that a dick in a sweater?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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