Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
