i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
