whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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