Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
