You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
