ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want nice things and good sex
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
