either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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