Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
