You made me cry and you don't even care
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
