Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
