Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
