I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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