Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
