A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
