i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
