Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
