My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
