Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
