I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
