We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
ttyl tear gas
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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