did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
