I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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