he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
