it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The uberlube is also flammable
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
