shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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