Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
