If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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