I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
