When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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