i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
