just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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