I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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