Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
