Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
