We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
