i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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