I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
