will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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