You can't special order awesome
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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