He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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