dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
