Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
