4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
