I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
