I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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